Horrors of PTM meetings

Sketch by Poonam Munshi

 Imagine you’re in Africa in a wild safari…embarking on the adventure of a lifetime as you explore the spectacular wildlife. Majestic and beautiful creatures, looking at you from their herd with curiosity. You spot some really colorful and bright stripes that stand out. The giraffe with its long slender neck reaching out to the tallest branches, their bright brown spots and each with their unique pattern, so gracefully meandering through the African grasslands, with confidence and elegance. The giraffe is said to symbolize grace, peace, individuality and farsightedness. You spot a zebra, with its unique blend of black and white stripes which instantly remind me of Marty from Madagascar, whose humor cracks you up in the movie. Likewise, there will be many others like the African elephants, rhinoceros, impalas, buffaloes and so on, each with a unique set of characteristics and behavior.

Now imagine our kids in a school playground. Each of them has their own special characteristics and behaviors. As parents, we teach our kids to respect people and not act like wild animals, especially when they are in public. We teach them appropriate and inappropriate behavior and that they shouldn’t wrestle or yell and say please and thank you. But they aren’t perfect at it by any means.
I wanted to share the story of my 8 year old nephew and his ptm meetings, which made me revoke my “cool education” philosophy of the west. He is a fun loving kid, much like other kids his age. He has very high energy and loves being in the playground with other kids. He also loves building sciency things. He would make his own propeller boat in the bathtub when he was 5 with rubber bands, plastics and pens. He always finds a way to have fun, even amidst serious work around him like waiting in airport queues, shifting houses or grown-ups talking about their mid-life crisis. He comes home from school with stars and medals for being a good kid, but also needs to be told off every now and then if he’s not sharing toys or gets into an argument with other kids.

Sketch by Poonam Munshi

Lately, I learnt about his ptm meetings - so they always start with the bad news. Things about not paying attention to instructions and being playful and cheeky. They keep the good things for the end like how he’s good at maths and reading. But one could always start on a positive note, I felt. Anyways, there is one that comes up every time, my sister tells me – about his gross motor skills not being fine enough. Now to give you an idea, gross motor skills can be defined as anything from standing, walking, going up and down the stairs, running, swimming and other activities that use the muscles of the arms, legs and torso. I can advocate about the fact that at times, he does choose to climb down or up a busy stairway by sliding down the railings, instead of walking. Other than an incident, where he broke his teeth while playing in one of those climbing things in the playground and had to be sent home, he now has a better sense of what could cause injury and hurt and the importance of safety as he grows up. 

Once during a free period students were told to sit wherever they liked. My nephew chose to sit at the back. The teacher addressed it in ptm in a way that would flag "concern". I for my whole life at school was a back bencher and turned out just fine. But what truly provoked me was her analysis of another situation - so my nephew and one of his friend argue alot it seems, so she forbid them from talking to each other, at all. She said he still went ahead  and talked to his friend, demonstrating that he doesn't follow instructions at times. I couldn’t understand what kind of a mental analysis is that and how could that possibly make things better? Kids, unlike us adults don’t hold grudges after a fight. They forget about it in a matter of minutes as if nothing happened. Rather than resolving their differences, encouraging them to be on loggerheads for the rest of their lives isn't a solution at all in my opinion. One of my sister’s friend was told to send her kids to an occupational therapist for some behavior that didn’t comply with the school. I would have strongly recommended that therapist to this teacher if you ask me, for complaining about such a silly thing. My nephew cried and that’s fine too. Maybe it came as a surprise to him and he was expecting to hear only good things. But I feel somewhere, that conversation could have been done in a very different manner.  I do get it that emphasizing on good moral behavior is far more important than academics. But I think we as teachers and parents should think about how to communicate that to kids. If you have a concern about something, try to be specific and avoid blame. We, as adults find it hard to cope with negative feedback at times but being a grown up we can assess the situation better. Kids on the other hand, need our support and encouragement to manage these emotions. Combining a request with understanding will usually help. It can also help if you mention something positive at the same time while discussing their performances with their parents. 

I remember how my PTMs went.

Scene1 Classroom

Teacher: So, students tomorrow will be your parents teacher meeting and both your mother and father has to be present.

Me: Wow, holiday… Aashi meet me at 8pm in the stadium.

Aashi: Okay.

Scene2 At home.

Me: Mom, tomorrow will be parents teacher meeting. But don't worry I will tell her (class teacher) that mom cannot take leave from work so she cannot attend the meeting, so it will only be my dad.

Mom: Ah! I will attend.

Me: Arey! It's not that important.

(Inner me: Beta kal toh teri shaamat!)

Scene 3 In school.

Me: She is my class teacher.

Mom: Hello Madam.

Amrita Maam: Oh! Mitali’s mom, right?

Mom: Yes Maam.

Amrita Maam: *Looking at me* She is a very sincere student (sarcastic)

Mom: *Smiling*

Amrita Ma’am: Mitali aapne apni mom ko bataya apne kaarnamo ke bare main.

(Translation: Mitali, did you tell her about your actions in school?)

Mom: Maam, what happened?

Me: *Innocent look*

Amrita Ma’am: Maam, school ki homework bus me likhti hai, handwriting samajhne k liye use bulake puchna padta hai. But use bhi apne khud ki writing samajh nahi aati

(Translation: Maam, she writes her homework in the school bus and the handwriting is so poor I have to ask her what she’s written and even she cannot tell from her own handwriting)

Mom: *Deathly stares*

Me: *Silence*

Amrita Ma’am: Aur suniye, yeh, Pooja and Annie flunk the end of school assembly and play volleyball in the middle school playground. And if one of them is to read the afternoon news in the assembly, the other two will be giggling standing right there in the front row and make her laugh too.

Mom: Ghar Chal tu. (Let's go home)

But she is very sincere in studies.

Me: *Fake smile*

Mom: *Smile* But why didn't you inform me about her actions?

Amrita Ma’am: Arey maam, because you lost your mother in law, Mitali’s grandmother. So we understand that it was a hard time for your family, so we didn't inform you about that earlier.

Mom: But she passed away many years ago.

Me: Mom, pados wali dadi (Neighbor's grandmother)

Amrita Ma’am: Ah! One more lie.

Mom: Let's go home.

Me: I'm sorry.

:-)